A Day in the life of a crazy woman who speaks in third person

Missy was rushing around the house at 7:30 this morning trying to get everything ready for her busy busy day. Missy's day was supposed to look like this:
8:30 drop Sam off at school
drive to gym
9:30 yoga class
10:45 meet friend at mall and have lunch and playdate
then go to park with friend
then go home and do laundry
3:15 pick Sam up from school
drive to gym again
4:00-4:30 swim with kids in pool
4:30 Sam's swim lesson
5:00 get out of pool, get kids showered and changed, go to Mcdonalds for dinner (for kids)
6:30 go home for bedtime.

Missy was rushing around this morning because she couldn't find Sam's art smock or swim goggles. Missy was also trying to quickly get the kids and herself dressed.

Then Sam started crying. Because he had what he calls "dia-rear-ah" Missy realized that it didn't matter if she could find the art smock or goggles, because Missy and her kids are stuck at home. Again.

Missy is frustrated because she knows Sam doesn't have any kind of contagious tummy problem that he would actually need to stay home from school for. She knows he's got diarrhea because he has a cold. He always gets diarrhea when he has a cold because he refuses to blow his nose, and he just snorts the snot back into his nose, and it slides down into his tummy and makes his poop runny. But Missy also knows that sometimes when Sam has diarrhea, he sometimes can't make it to the bathroom. So Missy had to keep him home from school.

Then Missy went to warm up a pancake for Paul who was screaming because his pancake was all gone. And Missy's microwave started shooting sparks out. So now Missy needs to buy a new microwave, and she won't have a microwave to use for a few days.


Later in the day, Missy was enjoying a few minutes of peace while the kids played quietly upstairs together. Little did Missy know that they weren't just playing.

Missy is really lucky that her kids are both alive. And that her house is still standing and not smoldering in ashes.

Missy always thought that Sam would be the kind of kid to come up with dangerous ideas, but thought it wouldn't happen until he was at least 10-ish. Missy was horribly wrong.

Sam asked Missy a couple of hours ago if he could go in the basement to look and see if stuffed animals were still down there. Missy told him that they weren't there, because she sold them at the garage sale. Sam asked if he could go double check. Missy said sure.

Sam went down to the basement. He came back up. Then he and Paul went upstairs and were playing in Sam's room. Missy didn't think anything of this. Missy sat down on the couch and started watching Biggest Loser on the downstairs dvr, relishing her time in front of the tv without anyone going "It's my turn! I want to watch Dora!". After a little while, Paul came downstairs and said something about how "Sammy's light is broken." Missy said "What?" Sam said "Paul, don't tell her!" Missy said "Sam, you need to tell me what's going on!" Sam said "Mommy, can you come upstairs and see?"

So Missy went upstairs and found that, sure enough, the lights in Sam's room were off. And for some reason, the old (broken) vaccuum cleaner was in the middle of Sam's room. Missy asked what was going on. Sam told Missy that he decided he wanted to do an experiment and build something. So he found wire cutters when he was in the basement (which he called "pliers") and used them to cut the cord of the old vaccuum. Then he plugged the plug into his outlet, and for some reason, the lights stopped working. And his fan turned off.

At this point I think Missy blacked out for a moment or two. When she came to, she calmly (I have no idea where this calmness came from as Missy was shaking like a leaf) told Sam that this was very dangerous. Very very dangerous. Very very very very very very dangerous. Of course Sam starts crying, because "Mommy's mad at me!!!" Missy explains to Sam that she's not mad, but she needs to talk to him about this, because it's very important.

Missy explains to Sam that plugging in that plug could've started a fire and burned the house down. Missy explains to Sam that kids should never plug or unplug ANYTHING in an outlet, because they could get a shock that could kill them.

Missy then goes down in the basement, clicks the circuit breaker back to on, and does a thorough cleaning of Sam's room to make sure that there are no more hidden tools. Missy explains to Sam that if he wants to build things or experiment with things, he needs to ask Missy first. Sam tells Missy that he got the idea from "ready set learn" on whatever channel Magic School Bus is on, because the little kid penguin built a robot. Missy tells him that things on tv aren't exactly always real, and that Sam can build things out of paper towel rolls and tape, but not out of old vaccuums. Or anything else that is plugged in or ever has been plugged in. And that anytime he has an idea like this he needs to check with an adult first.

Missy realizes that maybe Sam should not be allowed to watch Mythbusters for awhile, if animated penguins cause this much trouble, just imagine the ideas Sam can get from exploding cars!

Missy decided that she needed to get the kids out of the house for a while, and asked Paul to get his shoes on. Paul informed Missy that he couldn't wear his shoes because one was wet. Missy asked how his shoe got wet. Paul informed Missy that he had gone into the bathroom, filled up a cup of water, and then poured it into his shoe.