Sounds of the Season

Top Ten Christmas Songs That Make Me Wish I Didn't Have Ears.

10. My Grown Up Christmas List, as performed by Kelly Clarkson. Or Mariah Carey. Or anyone else who thinks they need to hit 3 different octaves in one song.
9. The Christmas Song as sung by Luther Vandross. He tries WAY too hard. And it's really annoying.
8.The First Noel. Sung by almost anyone. The word "looked" should not have four syllables.
7. Merry Christmas Darling by the Carpenters. Nothing against the Carpenters. I have a fondness for them, thanks to my childhood. BUT the line "Logs on the fire fill me with desire" makes me snicker every time I hear it. And "Christmas-ing" isn't a word. Sorry.
6. Little Saint Nick by the Beach Boys. Another song that induces snickers, especially the repeated lyric of "Christmas comes this time each year". Hmm, nothing like stating the obvious!
5. Happy Christmas, War Is Over sung by Celine Dion (I LOVE the John Lennon version of this song, but hearing Celine do it makes me want to run away screaming)
4. Anything by Aaron Neville. Or Celine Dion. Or Amy Grant.
3. The Christmas Shoes. Seriously makes me nauseous.
2. Jingle Bells by Barbra Streisand. Torture. Pure and simple torture. I wish the one horse open sleigh would just run me over. That would be less painful than listening to this song.
1. Feliz Navidad, sung by Celine Dion. This needs no explanation.

Top Ten Holiday Songs That Actually Make Me Feel Festive!
10. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas (James Taylor's version is my favorite) Even though this song almost always makes me cry, I still love it.
9. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town by Frank Sinatra & Cyndi Lauper. My two favorite singers from two different eras together, singing a cheesy warning to kids to behave--what's not to love?
8. I'll Be Home for Christmas. I love most versions of this, but my current favorite is by Michael Buble.
7. The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole. Christmas just wouldn't be Christmas without it!
6. White Christmas by Bing Crosby. Another classic!
5. The Grinch song from the original cartoon. (You can't beat lyrics like "You have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile")
4. Ave Maria, especially the versions by Harry Conick Jr. and Josh Groban.
3. Happy XMas (War Is Over) by John Lennon
2. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen as performed by Barenaked Ladies and Sarah McLachlan
1. Oh Holy Night. An oldie but a goodie. I especially love Tracy Chapman's version.

And now for the final category--songs I should hate, but don't. The songs that really are quite awful, but I find myself turning up the volume on anyway.
6. Last Christmas by Wham. The cheesiest of the cheesy. But I still love it.
5. Christmas Don't Be Late by Alvin and the Chipmunks. In all other circumstances, the chipmunks drive me insane. I spent the summer lying to the boys, telling them that my MP3 player's batteries were dead, just to not have to listen to any more chipmunk songs. But I can't help but sing along in a horribly squeeky voice to the line about the hula hoop. There. I've admitted it.
4. Little Drummer Boy by Bing Crosby and David Bowie. So odd it's almost creepy. But I still like it.
3. Do They Know It's Christmastime by Band-Aid. Of course there's no snow in Africa this Christmas. But I love my 80s cheesiness!
2. Jingle Bells by the Barenaked Ladies. Starts out quiet and soft and pretty, then breaks into chaos. Including the classic "batman smells" lyrics. I guess I know now where my boys get their music taste from! (although I couldn't dislike anything by the Barenaked Ladies anyway)
1. Funky Christmas by the New Kids On The Block. Seriously awful. But it always transports me back to 7th grade and makes me laugh. We tried to make up a cheerleading dance routine to this song. Talk about awful!